Chapter 3: There Goes That Bad Parent Accusation Again.

"To take one obvious example, conservative leaders and spokesmen ought to be saying loud and often that with a few exceptions, anyone who would place an infant in daycare is a negligent parent and a negligent citizen. A few will, but most won’t for fear of offending too many constituents and of all the Jim Geraghty’s of the world calling them a killjoy."

OK, Dad…BREATHE…

Throughout my life I’ve made choices, some good, some bad, which have contributed to the lifestyle I live today. In spite of the bad choices, I’m not sure that, if given a second chance, I’d make any fundamental changes to the lifestyle I’ve chosen for myself and have established with my family. I also recognize that many people would not choose this life, nor would I choose theirs. Most of the time, as I’ve done in previous posts, I would politely disagree with your choices but congratulate you on your stance and pass up the opportunity to express any snarky or insulting judgements.

This, unfortunately is not one of those times.

Let’s forget for a moment that this comment was made by someone who:

- Has never cut the umbilical cord with his own extended family;

- Has likely, because he’s never lived anywhere outside the confines of Bumfuck Kansas, had little-to-no hands-on experience in the real world;

- Is fortunate enough, both by birth and an unwillingness to get off Mama’s tit, that his entire sheltered life is rooted in a place where such a lifestyle is viable;

It is said that we are the sum total of our experiences and if I ever want to learn how to milk a cow, chase an ambulance or be a right-good Evangelical, I’m sure he’ll be a valuable resource. When it comes to advise on how to raise a family in the real world, where a large portion of the US resides, without using your own extended family as a crutch, I could probably do better.

In the eyes of a cow milking, ambulance chasing right-good Evangelical whose life experience is limited to what little happens on the outskirts of Topeka Kansas, yes, I’m sure I’m a negligent parent.

In the eyes of this negligent, evil, city-dwelling corporate capitalist who could give a shit about his family, it is Mr. Stegall who is doing extensive damage to his family.

Mr. Stegall claims to advocate a return to a more pure time when families served God, denied their material desires, never left their birth place and lived together in perpetual harmony for the rest of their natural lives, most likely ending every night circled around the campfire praying and singing “Kumbaya”. If every family in the US did this, we would never have war, we would eradicate evil and could commune with God, the land and each other forever. Hallelujah. Amen.

You say “To-MA-To”, I say “To-MAH-to.” You say “Crunchy Conservitism”, I say “Theocratic Marxism”.

The tube has been squeezed. No matter how hard we try, the toothpaste is not going to be shoved back in. We evil, capitalist, family-hating, dual-incomed slaves to materialism are not going away.

So, in light of that, who is the more negligent parent? Is it the one who prepares his child for life in the real world (including daycare, public schools) and encourages independence? Is it the one who shelters his children in an Amish type of existence in the hopes that the rest of the world is going to adopt this foolishly idealistic lifestyle and will never have to face a society such as the godless society we live in in 2006?

Stegall says the former, I say the latter.

Do my wife and I work and drop off our kid with the (ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL) babysitter because of our selfishness? Sure we do. Our selfishness knows no bounds.

We are selfish because we spent more on a home than was absolutely necessary so that we could make sure our daughter was raised in a good neighborhood close to her friends, close to my wife’s work and where I have less reason to be concerned for her wellbeing.

We are selfish because we’re going to give our child a public school education. Despite the fact that my wife has a degree in education and is currently a school teacher (thereby making her infinitely more qualified to teach than 95% of the home-schooling parents out there), we believe that home-schooling is a disservice to the child, not an advantage. Home schooling shelters children from scenarios which they are going to face in life and deprives them of the opportunity for hands-on life experience. It deprives them of the ability to OBSERVE right and wrong/good and evil and to exercise the values we hope that we’ve instilled. It leaves children ill-equipped (and, face it, in most home-schooling cases, uneducated).

We are selfish because we’re giving our daughter the tools she will need to successfully pursue the life she desires for herself, whether it be a master of industry, a regular 9–5er or, God forbid, some sort of crackpot, theocratic Marxist who shuns the rest of American society and preaches to the world that their lifestyle is inferior (despite a lack first-hand insight)

We are selfish because we want our daughter to have not only the necessities, but the occasional, completely impractical and unnecessary material item (there’s that darned “slave to materialism” thing coming out again!). She will not get every thing she ever wants, of course, but she will not be deprived of, like it or not, a normal all-American childhood because of some ridiculously stupid philosophy.

We are selfish because, once our children are raised and command lives of their own, we want to have enough left over so that we don’t have to depend on our children to take care of us in our later years (it’s strange how so many of our grandparents, great-grandparents, etc. who were raised in a more enlightened, traditionalist time ended up becoming dependent on their children for support in their golden years. Coincidence?).

I revel in my selfishness for each of the reasons listed above (and some that I left out). If that makes me negligent, so be it. I’ve been called worse by better people.

Best of luck to you, Mr. Stegall. I assure you you’re going to need it.