Chapter 2. Not Even the Ingalls or the Waltons Bought Into This Garbage.
Consider the purposes behind the Benedictine “vow of stability,” described this way:
The vow of stability . . . becomes the guarantee of success and permanence. It is only another example of the family idea that pervaded the entire Rule, by means of which the members of the community are bound together by a family tie, and each takes upon himself the obligation of persevering in his monastery until death, unless sent elsewhere by his superiors. It secures to the community as a whole, and to every member of it individually, a share in all the fruits that may arise from the labours of each monk, and it gives to each of them that strength and vitality which necessarily result from being one of a united family, all bound in a similar way and all pursuing the same end. Thus, whatever the monk does, he does it not as an independent individual but as part of a larger organization, and the community itself thus becomes one united whole rather than a mere agglomeration of independent members.
I am not suggesting that everyone must become Benedictine and swear to the Rule. But there is wisdom here for all.”
Good…because it would be a ridiculous suggestion.
There are many differences between one who subscribes to the Benedictine order and your average American family, not the least of which being that monks know what they’re getting into on the front end and voluntarily enter the monastic life (this followed closely by that whole “situational homosexuality” thing. Ookie.).
Families, on the other hand, do not have that same luxury.
Prior to, let’s say, the 40’s when all of us evil mainstream conservatives fled the nest, a monastic family existence (especially in rural locales) was the norm out of necessity. In the absence of 401Ks, Social Security, Kroger and a Waffle House on every corner, having a large family was a selfish act of self- preservation (not to mention the result of inadequate contraception), It was not due to some altruistic pursuit of the “Permanent Things.”
You had kids to help you plant and harvest the crops. After they were grown, you gave them a plot of land across the creek so that they could continue helping you out with the farm and, once you’re old and debilitated, give them the farm and they, in turn, would keep you fed until you shuffled off the mortal coil. They would do the same with their kids. The circle of life goes on. (Cue Elton John)
Fast forward to today. Technology allows me to speak to my family as often as I want to. It allows me to take a picture of my daughter doing something cute and send it out to 30 different family members within 3 minutes of the actual moment of cuteness (actual moments of cuteness being LEGION in my house). If some family emergency arose which required me to be with my family, I have the option of driving for 12 hours or flying for 2 to get there. I guarantee that I spend infinitely more quality time with my family living 800 miles away than I would if I lived 20.
My parents often say they wish that they could be around my daughter more frequently, but, I have it on good authority (my sisters) that they really don’t spend that much more time with their other grandkids who live within 10 miles of them.
Hey, Mom and Dad made their bed…let them lie in it. If they wanted to be around their grandkids at all times, they could’ve raised us like Amish and made sacrifices when we were younger so they could support us for the rest of their lives but NOOOOOO…they were insistent that we show a little independence when we were kids. Were it not for that, we wouldn’t have turned out to be the prodigal children with separate lives that we are. I hope they learned their lesson
It’s all fine and good to wear the “traditionalist” badge and romanticize a monastic family existence, especially if that’s the lifestyle in which you were raised. For those of us who grew up in a more transient household, such a lifestyle holds absolutely no appeal.
And this begs the obvious question which seems to be lost in the Crunchy dialogue: If this was such a utopian lifestyle, why did it fade away within the span of a generation or two? And you can’t say that it’s materialism that caused it. It may have been a contributing factor, but it’s largely incidental to the true cause.
No, the true reason was that the family unit was held together so tightly was almost solely for survival purposes. I’ve often said that I’m only a couple generations removed from poor white trash (although there may be some which would argue that I’m not as far removed as I think). Judging from stories I’ve heard from and about both of my grandfathers, the “traditionalist life” in which they were raised was FAR from utopian and, as soon as their agrarian, monastic life was no longer necessary to ensure survival of the clan, they did what their hearts, minds, souls and sore asses told them to do: they left.
Why bother putting up with an abusive family and put in hard manual labor from sun-up to sun-down only to live a hand-to-mouth existence? Neither chased the brass ring…one was career military, the other was mostly blue collar. They simply walked away from an unhappy upbringing and created their own lives. Neither of them looked back.
By no means am I insinuating that a neo-traditionalist lifestyle is always negative. My childhood best friend and his wife were both raised in pseudo-monastic homes and both of them are well-rounded, intelligent happy people.
Of course, they now live 500 and 25 miles away from their families respectively and I think are happier for it
I DO, however, think that such an upbringing tends to be too sheltering and, in many cases, suffocating. It also tends to stifle independence…of which I’m a big fan.
Did my move away from my family result in any sort of dissolution of the family bond? Well, I’m reminded of something PJ O’ Rourke once said:
“Bartender! Another scotch, please!”
OK…that’s not relevant to the conversation. What he said that was relevant was:
“Are we disheartened by the breakup of the family? Nobody who ever met my family is.”
I say that in jest. But, in all honesty, it is BECAUSE I place such a high value on my extended family that I spend 10.5 months a year 800 miles away from them.
I am a big brother. My wife is a big sister. Each of us is very protective of our parents and siblings. In addition, we are our parent’s first born. Finally, we each come from extended families in which the various generations all tend to run-together and we are dead in the middle of them. There’s not THAT much more of an age difference between me and my grandmother (the eldest) than there is between me and my daughter (the youngest). As is typical in a large-ish family, everybody has their own opinions about the way things should be done and, invariably, drama ensues.
In the past four years, I’ve had no arguments, fights nor tifts with any member of my extended family and have limited my expressions of displeasure to a snarky remark here and there. This is in large part because I’m far enough removed from it that I’m not dragged into it (nor do I stick my nose in). Hell, I don’t find out about most of the family drama until it’s been resolved.
Ignorance is bliss…and I’m just ignorant enough about the day-to-day of my extended family that I sleep soundly in the delusion that my family is perfect…which is exactly how I like them.
The vow of stability . . . becomes the guarantee of success and permanence. It is only another example of the family idea that pervaded the entire Rule, by means of which the members of the community are bound together by a family tie, and each takes upon himself the obligation of persevering in his monastery until death, unless sent elsewhere by his superiors. It secures to the community as a whole, and to every member of it individually, a share in all the fruits that may arise from the labours of each monk, and it gives to each of them that strength and vitality which necessarily result from being one of a united family, all bound in a similar way and all pursuing the same end. Thus, whatever the monk does, he does it not as an independent individual but as part of a larger organization, and the community itself thus becomes one united whole rather than a mere agglomeration of independent members.
I am not suggesting that everyone must become Benedictine and swear to the Rule. But there is wisdom here for all.”
Good…because it would be a ridiculous suggestion.
There are many differences between one who subscribes to the Benedictine order and your average American family, not the least of which being that monks know what they’re getting into on the front end and voluntarily enter the monastic life (this followed closely by that whole “situational homosexuality” thing. Ookie.).
Families, on the other hand, do not have that same luxury.
Prior to, let’s say, the 40’s when all of us evil mainstream conservatives fled the nest, a monastic family existence (especially in rural locales) was the norm out of necessity. In the absence of 401Ks, Social Security, Kroger and a Waffle House on every corner, having a large family was a selfish act of self- preservation (not to mention the result of inadequate contraception), It was not due to some altruistic pursuit of the “Permanent Things.”
You had kids to help you plant and harvest the crops. After they were grown, you gave them a plot of land across the creek so that they could continue helping you out with the farm and, once you’re old and debilitated, give them the farm and they, in turn, would keep you fed until you shuffled off the mortal coil. They would do the same with their kids. The circle of life goes on. (Cue Elton John)
Fast forward to today. Technology allows me to speak to my family as often as I want to. It allows me to take a picture of my daughter doing something cute and send it out to 30 different family members within 3 minutes of the actual moment of cuteness (actual moments of cuteness being LEGION in my house). If some family emergency arose which required me to be with my family, I have the option of driving for 12 hours or flying for 2 to get there. I guarantee that I spend infinitely more quality time with my family living 800 miles away than I would if I lived 20.
My parents often say they wish that they could be around my daughter more frequently, but, I have it on good authority (my sisters) that they really don’t spend that much more time with their other grandkids who live within 10 miles of them.
Hey, Mom and Dad made their bed…let them lie in it. If they wanted to be around their grandkids at all times, they could’ve raised us like Amish and made sacrifices when we were younger so they could support us for the rest of their lives but NOOOOOO…they were insistent that we show a little independence when we were kids. Were it not for that, we wouldn’t have turned out to be the prodigal children with separate lives that we are. I hope they learned their lesson
It’s all fine and good to wear the “traditionalist” badge and romanticize a monastic family existence, especially if that’s the lifestyle in which you were raised. For those of us who grew up in a more transient household, such a lifestyle holds absolutely no appeal.
And this begs the obvious question which seems to be lost in the Crunchy dialogue: If this was such a utopian lifestyle, why did it fade away within the span of a generation or two? And you can’t say that it’s materialism that caused it. It may have been a contributing factor, but it’s largely incidental to the true cause.
No, the true reason was that the family unit was held together so tightly was almost solely for survival purposes. I’ve often said that I’m only a couple generations removed from poor white trash (although there may be some which would argue that I’m not as far removed as I think). Judging from stories I’ve heard from and about both of my grandfathers, the “traditionalist life” in which they were raised was FAR from utopian and, as soon as their agrarian, monastic life was no longer necessary to ensure survival of the clan, they did what their hearts, minds, souls and sore asses told them to do: they left.
Why bother putting up with an abusive family and put in hard manual labor from sun-up to sun-down only to live a hand-to-mouth existence? Neither chased the brass ring…one was career military, the other was mostly blue collar. They simply walked away from an unhappy upbringing and created their own lives. Neither of them looked back.
By no means am I insinuating that a neo-traditionalist lifestyle is always negative. My childhood best friend and his wife were both raised in pseudo-monastic homes and both of them are well-rounded, intelligent happy people.
Of course, they now live 500 and 25 miles away from their families respectively and I think are happier for it
I DO, however, think that such an upbringing tends to be too sheltering and, in many cases, suffocating. It also tends to stifle independence…of which I’m a big fan.
Did my move away from my family result in any sort of dissolution of the family bond? Well, I’m reminded of something PJ O’ Rourke once said:
“Bartender! Another scotch, please!”
OK…that’s not relevant to the conversation. What he said that was relevant was:
“Are we disheartened by the breakup of the family? Nobody who ever met my family is.”
I say that in jest. But, in all honesty, it is BECAUSE I place such a high value on my extended family that I spend 10.5 months a year 800 miles away from them.
I am a big brother. My wife is a big sister. Each of us is very protective of our parents and siblings. In addition, we are our parent’s first born. Finally, we each come from extended families in which the various generations all tend to run-together and we are dead in the middle of them. There’s not THAT much more of an age difference between me and my grandmother (the eldest) than there is between me and my daughter (the youngest). As is typical in a large-ish family, everybody has their own opinions about the way things should be done and, invariably, drama ensues.
In the past four years, I’ve had no arguments, fights nor tifts with any member of my extended family and have limited my expressions of displeasure to a snarky remark here and there. This is in large part because I’m far enough removed from it that I’m not dragged into it (nor do I stick my nose in). Hell, I don’t find out about most of the family drama until it’s been resolved.
Ignorance is bliss…and I’m just ignorant enough about the day-to-day of my extended family that I sleep soundly in the delusion that my family is perfect…which is exactly how I like them.
posted by Big Bad Dad at 1:34 PM
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