Aw, man. I am so DOOMED.

Interesting read I came across this morning:

http://www.nationalreview.com/derbyshire/derbyshire200510270842.asp

My takeaways from the article:

1. Madonna's kids may have hit the financial jackpot by virtue of their birth but that's about all they've got going for them. Domineering mother, milquetoast father. Fast forward 20 years...her daughter will be a porn star and her son, if he's lucky, will end up with a severe chemical dependency.

2. Looking back, prom's were over-the-top when I was in high school 15 years ago. Fifteen years from now, when my kid is prom age, there's a distinct possibility that she may be locked in the closet.

3. God bless the Duggar family. I think they're out of their tree, but I do respect the fact that they've been able to pull it off.

4. SF Gate columnist Mark Mortford is a friggin' idiot.

5. Although I may argue with the percentages a bit, I DO believe that the minimalists have a point. Genetics and peers have a far greater influence over who your child is going to be than you might hope. Case in point: my parent's three offspring.

For my entire life, my father has had a job which demanded a termendous number of hours. Accordingly, my sisters and I spent way more time during childhood and adolescence with my mother. Whose personality traits are way more dominant in the kids?

Dad's.

My sister and I were just discussing this the other night, as a matter of fact. We have a very good balance of intellect and common sense. We have a very strong work ethic. We tend to be very contemplative when making decisions. We are also very stubborn, persistent and will argue to the death whenever we feel that we are right (which, 99% of the time, we are).

I, by virtue of the having the Y chromosome, hit the jackpot twice. I've got all of his mannerisms too. I think that is a good thing because I think my Dad is a great man. But my wife and mother may disagree. Whenever the family gets together, I see the two of them whispering and shaking their heads. A lot.

That's fine. They can shake their heads all they want. They married us. They made their own bed.

This is why I say I am doomed. All signs are indicating that my kid is going to be just like me. Which, I'm sure, makes my mother giddy.

Childhood peer groups are just as influential. Some of my closest friends from my childhood are some of my closest friends today and, although we may have come from very different circumstances and have very different lives, our values are our common bond. It was the case back then and still is today.

This was a major reason for us joining the church recently. We wanted to make sure that our children are raised in the church because we both realized that the church was such an essential component to our development. It was also one of the driving forces in where we chose to live. We agreed that we would rather our kids be the poorest kids in a good neighborhood than the richest ones in a not-so-good neighborhood.

(If anyone wants to give me any grief about my socioeconomic views, spare me. There are good poor people and bad rich people but a sterotype is born for a reason.)

So to recap:

1. Madonna's kids are doomed;

2. My daughter isn't going to a prom;

3. People who have 16 kids are nuts, but you've gotta love them for their bravery;

4. San Francisco is the home of one of the dumbest columnists ever;

5. Nothing my wife and I say or do is going to have as much of an influence on our kids than our genes and their friends;

6. We are doomed.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it...